I Own The Most Fascinating T-Shirt In The World

It says “Property of Dan Marino’s XXL Fine Food and Spirits St. Petersburg.”


Apparently it’s a real restaurant chain in Florida (now open in Las Vegas too!), but I’m not wearing it because I’ve eaten there or have any financial interest in the place, nor am I wearing this shirt because I like the design and ordered one online or some similar reason. I’m also not wearing it ironically. I wear it because my roommate was getting rid of a bunch of t-shirts he’s never worn and this was one of them.


I wonder if the people who admire the shirt know that’s the reason I wear it. Now, before you say “why the hell would someone care about the reasons some stranger is wearing a t-shirt,” please note that not a day goes by that I wear this shirt that doesn’t get intense stares and comments from complete strangers about the shirt. Everyone looks intently at my upper torso, sometimes really obviously, sometimes its a quick sideways glance as they’re walking past me and don’t want to be obvious about it. Today in the supermarket, as I was examining my bagged salad to make sure it wasn’t brown or filled with salmonella, a man walked up to me and told me that he had eaten at the restaurant and it was great. I told him that I had never actually been there I just own a shirt and I think he was heartbroken. He probably expected me to thank him, get his address, and maybe send him a bunch of t-shirts for complimenting the restaurant that I must have a connection to because I’m wearing the shirt myself.


I don’t think the picture or wording on a t-shirt always means that the person wearing it has a love and/or connection to it. I wouldn’t say this if I walked by someone who was wearing a racist t-shirt or even a t-shirt that had a giant picture of a dog on the front. I’m going to assume that one person is a racist and the other person loves dogs. But when it comes to food and drink establishments, sometimes a t-shirt is just a t-shirt.

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