So…yesterday my apartment almost burned to the ground. And how are you doing?
It’s a weird thing to be nudged out of a sound sleep by the sound of dripping water. Your immediate thoughts are “wait, this is not an area of my home where water should be heard dripping” and “am I urinating?” At first I wasn’t sure I was even hearing what I was hearing, and then I sat right up, remembering that we’ve had various liquids dripping from the apartment of the neighbors upstairs before. Once their sink overflowed, once it was their toilet, one time it was a weird chemical like bleach that came through the ceiling, another time it was milk from a glass the son had spilled. One time – and I swear this is true – it was vanilla, leaking from the ceiling on to my washing machine. This could be a horror movie: The House That Dripped Everything. I could sell tickets to kids on Halloween. This time it was good ‘ole water. but I know the layout of their place and there are no pipes or sinks or anything of that nature there, it’s the middle of their living room. Where could the water possibly be coming from?
And then I thought: fish tank.
I threw on my shoes and ran upstairs and…of course, they weren’t home. So I ran back downstairs and called my landlord, who also was not home. So I had to leave one of those, “hey, it’s Bob, just wanted to let you know that there’s a leak in the apartment and no one is home upstairs. Call me. Thanks!” messages that I’m sure every landlord loves to hear from their tenants. I went back upstairs to see if the neighbor had returned while I was on the phone, but he hadn’t. I was tempted to do a Mannix and kick in the door but decided to leave a note instead.
Now I had to get buckets, it was leaking that badly. The landlord calls me back and I tell him the situation and he rushes over. We get inside the apartment upstairs and my guess my right, it was the fish tank (I guessed that even though I didn’t even know they owned a fish tank). But it wasn’t leaking or broken, they had just put the cover back on wrong after feeding the fish or something and the water was pouring onto the cover instead of into the back of the tank. It was also pouring nicely onto a power strip and several wires that were draped around the base of the tank on the floor. So basically we were probably 27 minutes away from a fire that would have engulfed the entire building. But it all turned out well. All that’s left now is a slight odor of old wet wood. I’m assuming that’s the smell and it’s not actually old burning wood. In certain situations, fire and water smell the same.
I’ll be on TV Talk tonight, probably talking about the Lost finale. And if I can somehow turn the conversation to leaky ceilings I’ll talk about that too.