One of these days I’m going to go to the supermarket and nothing odd and crazy is going to happen to me.

Today was not that day.

Imagine the worst thing you’ve ever smelled in your life. Now imagine that mixed with skunk, B.O., vomit, and the rotted corpse of the undead. That’s what I smelled at my local supermarket tonight. I was in the fruit and vegetable section when I suddenly smelled a skunk smell X 1000. It was like all of the skunks in the world had decided to invade this supermarket and unleash their fury all in the same area.

It was either a skunk or the unfortunate body odor of one of the guys who works at the store. Four of them walked near me just when the hell smell (TM) hit. If it was one of them – maybe they were sprayed with a skunk while smoking some cigarettes out back during their break – I can’t imagine that they didn’t smell it. I booked it out of there at warp factor 8.

I had this fear that one of these kids would be the one who bagged my groceries when I got to the register, so I picked a clerk that was all alone doing her own bagging. I got my items – chips, Diet Pepsi, chicken, popcorn, paper towels, cheese, candy, water, and a contact lens case – on the belt quickly, but just my luck a kid comes up to bag my groceries and asks “paper or plastic?” I felt like saying “NO, NO, BACK AWAY! I’ll BAG MY OWN GROCERIES! REALLY!” but I’m just not like that and I let him do it. I did some secret smelling of the area and of my groceries (don’t laugh, you would have to) before I put them in the car and I think I’m safe.

If it was the area, hopefully someone smelled it and cleaned whatever it was that needed cleaning. If it was one of those kids, well, I feel sorry for his mom when he gets home.

Yes, life is sometimes exactly like an episode of Seinfeld.

In non-stinky news: if you’re wondering what the title of this post means (no, it’s not something Gilbert Gottfried used to say before he got canned), it refers to the great podcasts over at Clique Clack TV. I did one with host Jay Black and it’s up at the site. We talk about TV Squad, AOL, and a bunch of other things. Come on over and leave us a comment about how much you love and/or hate us!

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