Buy Two, Get One Free!

Maybe it’s because I’ve had a bad cold and haven’t been eating too much or maybe I’m pregnant and don’t realize it, but I’ve had an incredible craving for Doritos the past day or so. They were on sale at the supermarket – buy two, get one free! (Must have been a post-Super Bowl special.) I bought two bags but didn’t get the third.

Why? Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Because if you buy the third bag of Doritos, you will eat the third bag of Doritos. (As if buying only two bags makes me Jack LaLanne. Two bags? Fine. Three bags? Don’t be ridiculous!)

I’m tired, like you read about (in Tired Monthly: The Magazine For People Too Tired To Read It). I think the worst of the cold is gone, though I’ve been fooled before. The last two days I’ve woken up and felt pretty good – a hit of Coricidin and several hours of sleep will do that – but then I feel worse as the day progresses and the sky gets darker. I need energy. You’d think I’d be getting it from the many cups of tea I’ve been drinking, but no. So I’ve been spending a lot of time on the couch, writing and working on the computer and watching television and reading (also called “every other day of the year”).

One thing I’ve noticed while writing the first Letter is that I miss my handwriting. I’m someone who loves handwritten notes and thank you cards and letters and all that, but even I don’t write in script as much as I used to. Sure, there’s my signature, but every other note I take isn’t really in script, in cursive. It’s more of a combo of printing and a quick, messy script. I think that’s how a lot of people takes notes these days (if they’re using a pen and paper at all and not some device). I know people who take notes IN ALL CAPS. I got a Christmas card like that once. It was practically screaming at me. HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS BOB. I know people whose signature is just call caps. I could never do that. Too weird. (I also find it odd when someone sends me a long e-mail in all lowercase letters, but that’s a different rant.)

My capital “Ss” and “Js” are different. When I was in school (or even after school, pre-computers) and doing everything by hand all the time those letters were more elaborate, with more curves and swoops and flourishes. More traditional. Now I seem to do more sharp, streamlined letters when I write a J or an S, fancy printing but still printing. I’m trying to get back into doing it the traditional way. I’m actually forcing myself and my hand to remember how to do each letter. Should the capital “A” have a pointy top or should I just make a larger curved lower case “a” and use that as the capital? Should I connect the capital “W” to the rest of the word or make it separate? Is that a small “m” or a small “n?”  I want readers of The Letter to actually be able to read what I sent them. Though I guess that’s half the fun of getting handwritten letters from people, right? There’s personality in the messiness.

If people can’t read it, maybe I’ll create an online translation for each Letter. Just so you know I wrote “Doritos” instead of “Dobermans.” Those are completely different things. Yet equally delicious.

(KIDDING. SMILEY FACE.)

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