The way you wear your hat

Quick note: I have a new piece at Esquire.

So I’m going to start wearing a hat. My doctor says that any guy lacking the amount of hair necessary to cover the surface area of the head (bald) should wear a hat and use sunscreen all the time. I’ve never done this, and while I also don’t go out in the sun unless it’s absolutely necessary, there seems to be sun damage.

But what options does a modern man have for hats? It’s an easy decision in the winter, but not so much in the spring, summer, and fall. I don’t see myself as a baseball cap guy. For one thing, my head is the size of a large toaster oven and baseball caps always look odd on me (and I laugh at the “one size fits all” adjustment). Second, I’m not going to be one of those guys that wears a baseball cap no matter what other type of clothing their wearing, at the office, out to dinner, at the mall.

Do I go with a Don Draper-type stylish hat? Oh, I’d love that, but you have to have the type of clothing to accompany it. My usual uniform is a sweatshirt or T-shirt and jeans, and I’m not sure if the combo of fashionable men’s hat and a Champion sweatshirt would go together. This is the type of hat decision that would force me to completely change my everyday wardrobe, and I don’t have the money (or closet space) to do that. I’d love to get back to a time when men wore hats and ties everywhere, on airplanes and trains and in restaurants, but I don’t know if I’m quite prepared to go there myself.

So that leaves….what? A straw hat? A bandana? A hat like Gilligan used to wear?

Maybe I can wear a crown.


A couple of people on Twitter were talking about seeing King Vitaman (yes, with that second “a”) at the supermarket. I could have sworn that King Vitaman had gone the route of Quake and Pink Panther Flakes and Freakies, but apparently they still make it. Which, yes, means I will have to go on one of my expeditions to find it.

I don’t eat as much cereal as I used to. Why did that happen? It’s not like I got sick of the usual rotation – Quisp, Corn Pops, Lucky Charms, Cheerios – I completely quit eating cereal altogether. Not even oatmeal. Why? I like cereal and the history of cereal and God knows it’s easy to make. And I actually used to collect old cereal boxes (a hobby I outgrew when I got sick of trying to find space for the flattened boxes). But abandoning cereal is one of those things that just “happened.” All my meals now seem to revolve around chicken, rice or pasta (or chicken with rice or chicken with pasta). (No, I don’t eat those things for breakfast.)

But a hunt for a cereal I thought was long gone might make me start eating cereal again. Right after I buy that hat.

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