Thursday notebook

1. That kid on the toaster strudel commercials really creeps me out. It’s like Breakfast Treats of the Damned: demonic blond-haired children showing up at your front door, forcing you to eat pastries.

2. My favorite part of this Yoko Ono performance on The Late Show with David Letterman is the camera angle that shows she was reading the song lyrics off of a teleprompter. I’m not sure what the song is about but she could have been screaming out the ingredients to make chicken alfredo and people wouldn’t have known the difference.

3. Speaking of people who try to sing, I’m not sure I’m buying Miley Cyrus’s explanation of her new act/attitude/persona. I know a lot of girls who changed when they got older and became women, but they didn’t do it by deciding, “hey, I think I’ll become a whore!” What is it with young celebrities who think the way to show people you are older is to wear less clothing in public? I know, I know, you want us to know you’re so EDGY now. We get it. We’re just tired of it.

In the most important ways, she seems even younger now than she did in the Disney days.

4. Someone walked by my front window the other day and said, out loud, “LOL.” When we start vocalizing internet shorthand we’re all doomed. “Joan, these are the top 10 reasons why I’m sorry to hear your grandmother died. Hashtag sad.”

5. There’s a commercial running right now with Bill Hader from SNL. He’s at an outdoor restaurant and his girlfriend/wife comes up to him with her arm in a cast and yells at him because he didn’t answer any of the many texts that she sent (because he has a lousy phone). So let me get this straight: this girlfriend/wife is in some sort of accident, so serious she has to go to the hospital, and she texts him instead of calling him? This is how insane technology has made us. Texts are now the default when it comes to communication.

I’m on Hader’s side. He should dump her. Get a dog instead.

6. A special thank you to the people who made the alarm clock I just bought. It was packaged in such a way I had to get out a screwdriver (a miniscule Phillips screwdriver, about the size of a toothpick, which I was surprised to find was actually among the tools in my apartment) just to take off the protective cardboard that was attached to the bottom of the clock. I’m happy you’re concerned about my new alarm clock, which is made of hard plastic and all one-piece and probably wouldn’t break even if I dropped a Sub-Zero refrigerator on it, but a little bubble wrap would have been enough.

Have a great weekend!

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